World's Best Compliment..!!!

Ah.. It’s has been a long time since I posted my last blog. Plenty of them got pretty solid in the context, idea and even got completely compiled virtually but could never get out there as I kept giving "being busy" lame reason to myself all the time... But, finally something gave me the force to break the lethargy and procrastination and obviously that's got be something about Pranav :)

Coming to what I wanted to share... couple of weeks ago, Pranav was doing an activity of making a weaving pattern for his homework. He made it in his science book using chart papers of two different colors for the warp and the weft. And it was 2' X 2' in size and came out really well. Next day evening he started doing it again on an A4 size paper with two glittery color sheets. I asked .. "Why are you doing it again, did teacher ask you to do so?", he replied that everyone else in his class did it big with shining color papers and he too wanted to do it... it was his choice of making it again, so he was doing it bit by bit every day after he was done with homework.  

On the third day, night at 10:00 PM he was doing it... He already had done most part of the weft with red glossy paper and putting last few things with utmost care not leaving any gaps, deeply engrossed in his activity... It was sweet watching him :) but it was late in the night, I sat next to him and said.. "Naannaa, enduku idi maLLee chEstunnaavu? nuvvu note book lO chEsindi chaalaa baavundi".. meaning.. why are you so obsessed with doing this again, the one you did in the notebook was so good... He insisted in doing it and was continuing his work... I repeated.. I opened his notebook and was looking at the small pattern he made and said.. "naakaitE idE nacchindi... chaalaa cute gaa naa Pranav panDu laa undi.. " (I liked this pattern better.. it is very cute like my Pranav) and I kissed the pattern.  

Here comes the actual thing... :) He stopped his work.. held the paper in his hand, which had the red lateral pieces pasted, turned towards me and paused for a couple of seconds and then said.. "idi neelaa unTundi ....", put his hand on my cheek and with a cute smile he continued.. "ammaa nee skin enta shining shining gaa unTundO, evarannaa nammutaaraa nuvvu 35 years old anTE?" (meaning... This will look like you, your skin looks so shining.. would anyone believe that you are 35 yrs. old?) ...:):):) I was speechless for a second with this gesture and it left me pleasantly surprised :) More than the comment he made, I was wondering at the way he was looking at me with a sparkle in his eyes, with smile and with a perfect counter to persuade me about his intention of doing it... :) 

Quite a few people in my acquaintance made this observation that I look a lot younger than my age. So the actual compliment was not a surprise to me, but that coming from Pranav was something which gave me the delight.. :)  

Me looking young is not a permanent thing and will go away very soon... but the way my darling looked at me, with his expression and smile will stay forever in my memories.. .. :) And so it is the World's Best Compliment I had ever received and will receive...!!! :)

Parenting paradox...!!!

Yeah I face it many times :(, the most recent episode... on Friday I was given a Cadbury's Celebration pack of chocolates at office. One of my colleagues tried to open it, I said no, its for my son... (???!!!), but my heart was questioning me.. "really? why?", yeah I wanted to answer "hmm... coz I love him", it asked me back again.. "really? do you?", I know I can not boldly say yes... coz.. I really love him and I do not want to give him a big chunk of junk and unhealthy food packed in the most sweetest thing...

Whenever someone gives me a chocolate, a cake or anything a kid would love to have, I save it for Pranav, coz I want to show him that I love him and I also want to show him that I love him... hmm paradoxical right? Yeah, I do not allow Pranav to eat chocolates I avoid it a lot coz it is a definite 100% bad food, barring few times, really a very few times. But I can not stop myself saving something like this given to me for him... :) (I give him and expect him to say NO??? What am I thinking?? :) )

I love him, truly so I do not allow him to eat chocolates, but is it properly viewed and understood from his perception?? A big question right! So I want to make it a point to tell him that I love him.. how much ever I have a connect with Pranav, I take time to talk to him, remind him how many times eating chocolates made him fall sick and how much he had to suffer, but still he is a kid right? :) He would still love to eat a big bar of chocolate which is as 'shown on TV' or as it was with any of his peers... tough thing to handle...

I am guilty many times for getting it home!! Any one who reads this post might just say, why are you getting it home? But it was never easy for me... :) When I was returning from my New York trip in this Jan, I really did not want to get any chocolates for him... :) Because I pretty well know that it is the worst thing to do, but can I really afford to avoid it? My answer would be 'NO'! He expecting for them is quite an obvious thing, and if I don't get it and tell him why I did not, he would think... "yeah yeah.. amma never gets me chocolates and gives me a big 'health talk' when I ask her, everyone gets chocolates from US but amma does not" and I am sure this will definitely destroy my whole purpose, he might find other ways to get it. Yeah... when some one gets him a chocolate, some times he eats it immediately even before looking at me... for so called "permission" :)

I learned this too the hard way.. :) when Pranav was 3 years old, I used to give few marie gold biscuits and few dry fruits for his snack to school. And above all I was under an impression that I am giving him "good food". One day he got a big scar (a nail bite) on his beautiful, soft cheek... :( After I came from work, my mom said some one at school hurt him badly... Pranav was asleep so I could not talk to him to know what exactly had happened... Next day morning when I asked Pranav about the incident. He tells me... Binoy hurt me with his finger nail, and when I slowly asked why?... he said "I ate his yellow stuff..." (that yellow stuff was Kurkure :) he did not know the name of it by then.... ). Then I suddenly realized, how deprived Pranav must be feeling when all other kids are getting some attractive snacks. How will his little heart understand that amma is actually trying to protect his health and she really cares for him?

When I met the teacher that day, she said, give him some chips, kurkure and attractive, tasty and good (huh???) snacks, you always give him those dry fruits and marie biscuits, he is getting bored of them. (!!!!). Paradox right, I love him so much, I care for him, so I try to give him only healthy choices of food... but it is not solving any purpose and is actually kind of back firing at me... one, he is anyways eating that junk, two he is getting into fights and feeling inferior because of this, three he thinks that amma does not give him what he likes... Alas!!!... I gave a big sigh, so I am forced to give poison (no exaggeration I believe!) to my son with my own hands...??? What a stupid thing to do, but if I don't protect his perception of love, what is the point, I will have bigger things to deal in future... no way I can loose it with him...!!! It gave me a big ugly picture how tough its going to be, to be a good parent :)

I am guilty if I do it in my perception, and I am still guilty if I don't do it, in his perception :) Actually speaking, its OK even if he does not understand it now, and if it helps him stay out of this junk, but is definitely not OK!! if he tries other ways to satisfy his crave and consider me as a culprit!!

Probably parenting for our generation, and here after, is the most challenging and toughest. Our children have access and exposure to innumerable unhealthy junk food choices in front of them and face hell lot of peer pressure. It is certainly too much for us to expect them to be with unshakable will power and stay away from them, simply kept, to behave like us!!.

When we were kids we did not have this kind of liberal access to all these junk food items, chocolates, pastries, cakes and what not..!! And probably that is the only reason we are saved. Every time I tell Pranav the same thing... :) I am healthy now because I did not have too many chocolates when I was a kid and my eye sight is still good since I did not watch too much TV (Duh!! between you and me :), we did not have access to TV all the time!!!! :) ) I also add... after you grow old, you will blame me for not protecting your eyes and teeth.. :) I repeat this, with a strong hope that some day he would understand my whole intention... :)

Pranav is my darling, he is a very sensible kid, many times he understands why I am saying. But only to comfort me... :) I always see in his eyes a question echoing a million times... "Why only me??? All my friends are eating it and their parents are buying for them" and that is why I bring it home when it is given to me... :)

Friday's pack of chocolates had again created a turmoil in my heart and made me write this post :) I am sure I am not alone in today's world of parenting... :)

I Confess...

Yes.. I do... why?, what for? read on...

About 3 years ago, in the mid April of 2007 this incident happened.. after lunch at around 1:15 PM I was standing on the terrace of our office building and talking to my colleague while watching the road. It was a very hot sunny day. Just then I saw an old man aged about 65 and dressed in rags. He had a bald head with little of gray hair and bushy gray beard. Looking at him, any one could easily make out that he was a poor old man. He had worn out footwear which could barely protect his feet from the burning tar road. All this wasn't so uncommon, but the thing that pulled my attention was... he was carrying a young boy on his back, not a boy, I would rather say, a young man aged about 16 years. He put his hands around the old man's neck and holding on to him. He was not wearing any footwear. I could watch these two people for about 5 minutes in the view of my sight walking from right to left. For every 20 seconds the old man was halting, pulling the young guy on to his back properly as he really could not carry him with ease. And then, was hitting his forehead in distress saying something. The old man was sweating heavily and hot sun wasn't helping him in any manner. The young guy did not have any expression in his face.

Coming to me, what was I thinking looking at these two men.... I was very angry looking at the young guy, how could he do this? His father.. (I presumed..) is very old, he should actually be taking care of him at this age, but this guy is happily taking a ride on his back in the hot Sun. (My assumption was that the father was carrying his son as he did not have footwear.) How irresponsible he is... I would never ever forgive such people as I personally hate people who are lazy, still depend on parents even after they grow old. I was going on and on like this in my mind when suddenly my colleague woke me up saying, come lets go, we have got work to do.

That did put a break to my thoughts but I was very disturbed and I was thinking I wish I could remind the young guy how stupidly he was behaving with this father, probably yelling at him.. :) May be for the whole of that day...

And I did think about this duo couple of times later too. After few weeks, or even months, I was standing in the balcony and watching the road during my tea break. Again I saw these two people coming from there. So.. yeah, same thing I was very angry and looking at them with all my thoughts racing and even my face had an expression depicting all my feelings for that young man.. :) Our security guy was standing next to me, which I did not notice, and observing me. Probably he could read all my thoughts and he asked... "EnTi Madam, alaa chUstunnaaru?" (What madam? What are you looking at?). Then I could not stop, I said, Look at that guy how is he taking a ride on his poor old father's back happily, he should actually be taking care of his parents and I believe he is old enough to do it. Then he said, actually he is taking care of them. That young guy can not walk.... (my expression was like.. really? the reason being actually his legs were not looking like that, I mean he was looking quite normal)... he sits at the Peddamma temple near by and begs. His father carries him every day morning and makes him sit there, carries him in the afternoon after the temple hours. He puts him at the temple in the evening again. This young man is the only earning member of their family. They live in a small hut near my house. His mother is sick and can not work and you are looking at his father, he too can not work. All that he does is carry his son for begging at the temple. Recently they thought of buying a puller cart or something for his son. I guess by next month they will get it..

Now you got why I said I confess... :) I was like with so many mixed feelings... keeping aside what I think about the father or about the son now... one piece of information can change the whole perception... right? :) Same two men walking in the same manner in front of me, but then I, knowing some extra information, started thinking differently now... :)

One of my colleagues, and a very good friend, always says do not jump into conclusions so quickly about anything or anyone unless you give more time to know more. About 2 years before this incident, he narrated a story which was like a great thought provoking one for me... but nevertheless I failed to remember that and concluded so many things about the young guy who was an absolute stranger.. :) It would be the most appropriate thing to mention the story here (with all due credits to my friend!)

There was a bus going from one city to another. There was a guy with two kids, a girl and a boy about 6 and 7 years of age, traveling in the bus. These two kids were very mischievous and were causing a lot of inconvenience to all others in the bus. The father was not making any attempt to control them. Naturally all people were cursing and thinking, how could he leave his kids on others like this and can he not control them and put them straight etc etc. One person grew a little more impatient and asked the guy, can you not control your kids and ask them not to trouble others? The father said, actually their mother died in the morning today. We are going to see her now. Alas! everyone's perception turned around completely and everyone started caressing the kids, giving them chocolates, gifts etc. See? its the same people in the bus, nothing changed except that one piece of information is made known and the whole perception and there by the response changed a 180 degrees...

I do not know if this story was a real one, but then my story was very much real and I did the same thing as the people in the bus :) Now you got it why I said I confess... :)? I do, I really do, despite such a nice discourse from my friend, I got carried away with whatever I could perceive and thought about the young man in an incorrect manner. Now do I support the whole arrangement of the family or whatever they are doing, is something totally different and subject to many other things.

I shared this here on my blog so my friends who read this would give a thought about it and does not make this mistake... :) I believe none of you would ever think the way I thought but then, I wanted to confess... I do, I really do.. :)