Parenting paradox...!!!

Yeah I face it many times :(, the most recent episode... on Friday I was given a Cadbury's Celebration pack of chocolates at office. One of my colleagues tried to open it, I said no, its for my son... (???!!!), but my heart was questioning me.. "really? why?", yeah I wanted to answer "hmm... coz I love him", it asked me back again.. "really? do you?", I know I can not boldly say yes... coz.. I really love him and I do not want to give him a big chunk of junk and unhealthy food packed in the most sweetest thing...

Whenever someone gives me a chocolate, a cake or anything a kid would love to have, I save it for Pranav, coz I want to show him that I love him and I also want to show him that I love him... hmm paradoxical right? Yeah, I do not allow Pranav to eat chocolates I avoid it a lot coz it is a definite 100% bad food, barring few times, really a very few times. But I can not stop myself saving something like this given to me for him... :) (I give him and expect him to say NO??? What am I thinking?? :) )

I love him, truly so I do not allow him to eat chocolates, but is it properly viewed and understood from his perception?? A big question right! So I want to make it a point to tell him that I love him.. how much ever I have a connect with Pranav, I take time to talk to him, remind him how many times eating chocolates made him fall sick and how much he had to suffer, but still he is a kid right? :) He would still love to eat a big bar of chocolate which is as 'shown on TV' or as it was with any of his peers... tough thing to handle...

I am guilty many times for getting it home!! Any one who reads this post might just say, why are you getting it home? But it was never easy for me... :) When I was returning from my New York trip in this Jan, I really did not want to get any chocolates for him... :) Because I pretty well know that it is the worst thing to do, but can I really afford to avoid it? My answer would be 'NO'! He expecting for them is quite an obvious thing, and if I don't get it and tell him why I did not, he would think... "yeah yeah.. amma never gets me chocolates and gives me a big 'health talk' when I ask her, everyone gets chocolates from US but amma does not" and I am sure this will definitely destroy my whole purpose, he might find other ways to get it. Yeah... when some one gets him a chocolate, some times he eats it immediately even before looking at me... for so called "permission" :)

I learned this too the hard way.. :) when Pranav was 3 years old, I used to give few marie gold biscuits and few dry fruits for his snack to school. And above all I was under an impression that I am giving him "good food". One day he got a big scar (a nail bite) on his beautiful, soft cheek... :( After I came from work, my mom said some one at school hurt him badly... Pranav was asleep so I could not talk to him to know what exactly had happened... Next day morning when I asked Pranav about the incident. He tells me... Binoy hurt me with his finger nail, and when I slowly asked why?... he said "I ate his yellow stuff..." (that yellow stuff was Kurkure :) he did not know the name of it by then.... ). Then I suddenly realized, how deprived Pranav must be feeling when all other kids are getting some attractive snacks. How will his little heart understand that amma is actually trying to protect his health and she really cares for him?

When I met the teacher that day, she said, give him some chips, kurkure and attractive, tasty and good (huh???) snacks, you always give him those dry fruits and marie biscuits, he is getting bored of them. (!!!!). Paradox right, I love him so much, I care for him, so I try to give him only healthy choices of food... but it is not solving any purpose and is actually kind of back firing at me... one, he is anyways eating that junk, two he is getting into fights and feeling inferior because of this, three he thinks that amma does not give him what he likes... Alas!!!... I gave a big sigh, so I am forced to give poison (no exaggeration I believe!) to my son with my own hands...??? What a stupid thing to do, but if I don't protect his perception of love, what is the point, I will have bigger things to deal in future... no way I can loose it with him...!!! It gave me a big ugly picture how tough its going to be, to be a good parent :)

I am guilty if I do it in my perception, and I am still guilty if I don't do it, in his perception :) Actually speaking, its OK even if he does not understand it now, and if it helps him stay out of this junk, but is definitely not OK!! if he tries other ways to satisfy his crave and consider me as a culprit!!

Probably parenting for our generation, and here after, is the most challenging and toughest. Our children have access and exposure to innumerable unhealthy junk food choices in front of them and face hell lot of peer pressure. It is certainly too much for us to expect them to be with unshakable will power and stay away from them, simply kept, to behave like us!!.

When we were kids we did not have this kind of liberal access to all these junk food items, chocolates, pastries, cakes and what not..!! And probably that is the only reason we are saved. Every time I tell Pranav the same thing... :) I am healthy now because I did not have too many chocolates when I was a kid and my eye sight is still good since I did not watch too much TV (Duh!! between you and me :), we did not have access to TV all the time!!!! :) ) I also add... after you grow old, you will blame me for not protecting your eyes and teeth.. :) I repeat this, with a strong hope that some day he would understand my whole intention... :)

Pranav is my darling, he is a very sensible kid, many times he understands why I am saying. But only to comfort me... :) I always see in his eyes a question echoing a million times... "Why only me??? All my friends are eating it and their parents are buying for them" and that is why I bring it home when it is given to me... :)

Friday's pack of chocolates had again created a turmoil in my heart and made me write this post :) I am sure I am not alone in today's world of parenting... :)