Yes.. I do... why?, what for? read on...
About 3 years ago, in the mid April of 2007 this incident happened.. after lunch at around 1:15 PM I was standing on the terrace of our office building and talking to my colleague while watching the road. It was a very hot sunny day. Just then I saw an old man aged about 65 and dressed in rags. He had a bald head with little of gray hair and bushy gray beard. Looking at him, any one could easily make out that he was a poor old man. He had worn out footwear which could barely protect his feet from the burning tar road. All this wasn't so uncommon, but the thing that pulled my attention was... he was carrying a young boy on his back, not a boy, I would rather say, a young man aged about 16 years. He put his hands around the old man's neck and holding on to him. He was not wearing any footwear. I could watch these two people for about 5 minutes in the view of my sight walking from right to left. For every 20 seconds the old man was halting, pulling the young guy on to his back properly as he really could not carry him with ease. And then, was hitting his forehead in distress saying something. The old man was sweating heavily and hot sun wasn't helping him in any manner. The young guy did not have any expression in his face.
Coming to me, what was I thinking looking at these two men.... I was very angry looking at the young guy, how could he do this? His father.. (I presumed..) is very old, he should actually be taking care of him at this age, but this guy is happily taking a ride on his back in the hot Sun. (My assumption was that the father was carrying his son as he did not have footwear.) How irresponsible he is... I would never ever forgive such people as I personally hate people who are lazy, still depend on parents even after they grow old. I was going on and on like this in my mind when suddenly my colleague woke me up saying, come lets go, we have got work to do.
That did put a break to my thoughts but I was very disturbed and I was thinking I wish I could remind the young guy how stupidly he was behaving with this father, probably yelling at him.. :) May be for the whole of that day...
And I did think about this duo couple of times later too. After few weeks, or even months, I was standing in the balcony and watching the road during my tea break. Again I saw these two people coming from there. So.. yeah, same thing I was very angry and looking at them with all my thoughts racing and even my face had an expression depicting all my feelings for that young man.. :) Our security guy was standing next to me, which I did not notice, and observing me. Probably he could read all my thoughts and he asked... "EnTi Madam, alaa chUstunnaaru?" (What madam? What are you looking at?). Then I could not stop, I said, Look at that guy how is he taking a ride on his poor old father's back happily, he should actually be taking care of his parents and I believe he is old enough to do it. Then he said, actually he is taking care of them. That young guy can not walk.... (my expression was like.. really? the reason being actually his legs were not looking like that, I mean he was looking quite normal)... he sits at the Peddamma temple near by and begs. His father carries him every day morning and makes him sit there, carries him in the afternoon after the temple hours. He puts him at the temple in the evening again. This young man is the only earning member of their family. They live in a small hut near my house. His mother is sick and can not work and you are looking at his father, he too can not work. All that he does is carry his son for begging at the temple. Recently they thought of buying a puller cart or something for his son. I guess by next month they will get it..
Now you got why I said I confess... :) I was like with so many mixed feelings... keeping aside what I think about the father or about the son now... one piece of information can change the whole perception... right? :) Same two men walking in the same manner in front of me, but then I, knowing some extra information, started thinking differently now... :)
One of my colleagues, and a very good friend, always says do not jump into conclusions so quickly about anything or anyone unless you give more time to know more. About 2 years before this incident, he narrated a story which was like a great thought provoking one for me... but nevertheless I failed to remember that and concluded so many things about the young guy who was an absolute stranger.. :) It would be the most appropriate thing to mention the story here (with all due credits to my friend!)
There was a bus going from one city to another. There was a guy with two kids, a girl and a boy about 6 and 7 years of age, traveling in the bus. These two kids were very mischievous and were causing a lot of inconvenience to all others in the bus. The father was not making any attempt to control them. Naturally all people were cursing and thinking, how could he leave his kids on others like this and can he not control them and put them straight etc etc. One person grew a little more impatient and asked the guy, can you not control your kids and ask them not to trouble others? The father said, actually their mother died in the morning today. We are going to see her now. Alas! everyone's perception turned around completely and everyone started caressing the kids, giving them chocolates, gifts etc. See? its the same people in the bus, nothing changed except that one piece of information is made known and the whole perception and there by the response changed a 180 degrees...
I do not know if this story was a real one, but then my story was very much real and I did the same thing as the people in the bus :) Now you got it why I said I confess... :)? I do, I really do, despite such a nice discourse from my friend, I got carried away with whatever I could perceive and thought about the young man in an incorrect manner. Now do I support the whole arrangement of the family or whatever they are doing, is something totally different and subject to many other things.
I shared this here on my blog so my friends who read this would give a thought about it and does not make this mistake... :) I believe none of you would ever think the way I thought but then, I wanted to confess... I do, I really do.. :)
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12 comments:
It happens to me at least once in a day, every time I think, well I should not get in to conclusions until I know everything, I need to be calm and listen first, but still fails to do so :)
I hope that soon I'll be able to do so!
Yes.. such incidents happened with me too...Hope I always maintain that patience and try to understand situation before I come up with conclusions....
What I liked the most in the post is "confessing" for what was thought. - The intention of self correction.
The poor men were never aware of feelings you had towards them (Both the anger and the sympathy).
But, the readers of the post will relate such things which happened to them. It happens for everyone of us in our daily life....in regular intervals.....
So, it is important in taking time in thinking about, confessing if we were wrong and sharing it with others...
All this is an effort to make sure we are always trying to make corrective actions in improving ourselves and motivating people around us.
Because, may be some time later we might get carried away with anger but the effort we make to correct ourselves every time keeps us on the ground and maintain composure.
Raks and Anil, Thank you for taking time to read my post and share ur comments :) that means a lot to me.
Anil, the reason I wanted to share this is to avoid any chance of me justifying my act within myself. See, not many know (fortunately :) ) what did I think and how quickly I was jumping into wrong conclusion. This gives me a chance to hide myself from my own self :). Now its open and I will be compelled not to repeat the mistake again. But then, despite so much of exercise still I will be tempted to conclude quickly sometimes but then I am immediately realizing and stopping to go forward in the wrong direction. Commitment in public will put us in check :)
Good post prabha,giving us a chance what we generally do with first impressions.
Even I had that experience,I saw a guy parking his Honda Activa(keeping his engine running) in front of shop where Iam shopping .I thought of seeing that guy thinking of him careless in terms of wasting fuel and money.He came inside and doing shopping around 25 to 20 minutes.I was watching that bike and seeing his face,doing that repeadly,I could not control and asked that person,why dont you turn off the engine and park,and said that you are wasting so much of fuel.What he said is "I have starting problem with the engine and some how after many attempts I could finnaly mange to start his engine,thought of not having that problem again and parked my bike in running state.".Then I confessed that how foolishly I have come to an conclusion and assumption.
This post made me to recall and once again check my faults.Thanks prabha for sharing such a thought provoking post.
Thank you Paul, for reading my post and posting your comment :)
Countless times I thought, how lucky was I that I really did not get a chance to let out all my incorrect feelings to the young man :)
If there was even a tiny bit of possibility I would have done the same thing that you had done, no doubt :) If I had done that, probably no amount of confessing would ever comfort me.
Probably I should get some good points here ;). I say so coz my first thought when I read the first sentence describing about the boy "the thing that pulled my attention was... he was carrying a young boy on his back, not a boy, I would rather say, a young man aged about 16 years" was "Poor boy, what a curse for such young person." coz I felt he has some disability. And I went on reading and found he looks normal and still I felt there could be something wrong with this guy and what could it possibly be?
Yes Prabha. As the saying goes 'Honesty is a virtue', in fact being honest to oneself I would say is the greatest virtue.
Also if could just add to this, I normally try to avoid making conclusions without hearing either side's arguments.
I am not so very matured, but I just wanna say what I normally do and if this can make atleast a very little difference to anyone who reads this, I shall be happy. Also I'm just adding this as an extension to what is written in the blog.
Before we comment on anyone if we can just imagine ourselves in their shoes and ask oneself "How would I feel if someone passes this comment on me."
Something similar happened few months ago when my manager here confessed to me saying he misunderstood me as arrogant etc etc, but later realized that he was wrong and admitted that he took my self respect as arrogance as most of us do. I felt good that he confessed and also bad that why did he jump to a conclusion so soon coz he hardly knows me for less than a month.
Anyways, as always prabha garu, your writing is simply wow!
Thank you for posting your comment Sirisha :)
Very well said, if we could spare a moment before concluding, probably certain mishaps would never happen, and less people are hurt.
If i might have read this article about an hour ago, i might have thought more before shouting on a person.
Hello!!
I was reading through your article, and as everyone says this happens with every human being..
But, there was another thought running in my mind. I just felt that we are too lazy to jump into action (You could have probably talked to the old man the same day, and after knowing his hardship helped him in some way). We have become so selfish (including me), that we care only for our dear ones and analyze about the society and do nothing..
Please do not feel bad, this is what came to my mind and sorry if i have said anything wrong..
thanks for reading my post and commenting on it. I agree with you
Thank you Maruthi
:) World's Best Mom :)
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